Who decides the friends you both see socially?
From Our Archive:Â
[I got this from MSN, Who controls the Relationship]
This can be a touchy subject for a new couple, as he wants to be with his friends and she wants to be with hers, but they still want to be with each other. The fact is, you should establish a schedule in which each of you gets what you want and need, even if that means sometimes dividing and conquering. London-based love mavens Em & Lo, authors of The Big Bang and Sex Etiquette, believe that once in a while, it’s OK to go your separate ways. “Just because you’re a couple doesn’t mean you’re joined at the hip. You can hang out with your friends without always dragging your partner along, and vice versa. A woman can tell her boyfriend, ‘Hey, I’m going to a ladies’ poker night next Wednesday, why don’t you call up your pals for some beer?’†A healthy relationship is based on selfless compromise without compromising who you are. But if you don’t like your partner’s taste in entertainment, food, hobbies, or friends, then you might want to consider getting a new partner.
Comment: I have some disagreement about this line, “if you don’t like your partner’s taste in entertainment, food, hobbies, or friends, then you might want to consider getting a new partner“. I consider this to be something couples can work on. More rigid criteria could be the core values we hold so dear.
August 31st, 2006 at 11:40 pm
It is very true that each of the partners need to let the other spend some time of his/her own. My husband and I are very good friends (from pre-marital time) and have many common friends (as we’re batch mates). Still we both spend time with our own friends separate of each other once in a while. I want him to know that I value his freedom and I have complete trust on him. I go out with my (girl) friends sometimes and let him spend some time with his friends without any obligations.
We do this from very beginning and still feel strong love and affection to each other after 13 years of marriage.
September 5th, 2006 at 3:10 pm
I think spending time with your own friends is very important in a relationship, whether you are dating or you are married. In this way, you have your own freedom and you can come back to your spouse with more energy and more stories to keep your relationship as fresh as ever! Me and my husband have most of the things in common that we like to do together, but we still both spend a lot of quality time with our own friends disregarding if they are a girl or a boy. I think a lot of girls tend to drop their friends as soon as they get into a relationship, start dating or get married. But everyone needs to remember your friends should always be there, they will be there to support you and not judge you through your tough times. Even if you are happy in your relationship now, you might need a shoulder to cry on or just vent to a close friend about things in general some day in your life. I just spent a weekend in NYC by myself with my friends, cousins and just new acquaintances, I didn’t have a routine, no plans, no restrictions, and my husband (the most supportive one) came by with my in laws after a few days to pick me up and we drove back and it was the most amazing time!! He also spends a lot of time with his friends, travel for work and with music, and I am totally entertained by myself. I think a lot of girls if they have not lived abroad or have not spent time on their own don’t know what to do with themselves if they are alone, pick up a book, go shopping, enjoy eating by yourself, trust me you will feel good. And also let your hubby spend time doing what he likes, and don’t feel guilty about spending time with your friends and family, you and your boyfriend/husband is in a relationship, he is not a guest, you don’t have to feel obligated to entertain each other all the time. You can have your own identity and still be in a loving/committed relationship!!
April 28th, 2007 at 10:57 am
“A healthy relationship is based on selfless compromise without compromising who you are. But if you don’t like your partner’s taste in entertainment, food, hobbies, or friends, then you might want to consider getting a new partner.”
That first line is contradictory and the rest of the lines spells disaster without any question.
The basic requisite of understanding between the couples is marred.
UNDERSTANDING is FIRST: I know couples who have different food habits- BUT- are perfect couples as both type foods are served on the table for each to eat comfortably- so understanding paves the way for respecting the likes and dislikes of each other.
Values that each learn from their respective family,education and social background definitely helps but then not every HONEST person can easily adjust and then sometimes harmless lie help to heal and truth hurts badly- mistakes can happen from either side and can be proved too- but holding on to that truth that means the breaking-up of relationship is useless-rather UNDERSTANDING solves it wholely.
However I always advocate that when a relationship is being prepared (as in case of arranged and even love) -Marriage both persons should be given sufficient time to discuss with each other(can be through phone or family party)-so that some basic understandings can be reached.Thats important because the first criteria is that both must be agreed if the marriage is to be legal-thats the reason why during nikkah the would be wife and husbnad are asked infront of witness about theiur agreements to marry on certain conditions.IN foreign culture the bride/husband is asked -DO you XX/YY take YY/XX as yr lawful wedded wife/husband- then they r declared Man n Wife.
In respect of the main question”WHO CONTROLS RELATIONSHIP?”-IMO it should be a joint effort with open mind n free discussions and plans.