[From Our Archive]
I returned to Dhaka this year after completing my graduation from Canada. Since I’ve been back, I have continuously been conscious of the facts which were different when I lived alone abroad. My choices were immense, from subway sandwiches to which professor to take for which course, nothing was as rigid as Dhaka. While in Dhaka, even where I’m going to work is not entirely my choice.
If I want to switch my job, that is not just upon me, if I want to go for shopping even that depends on the availability of our car, the traffic and finding time for it. What I’m going to wear today does not depend on the current trend or my choice in clothing, it depends on where I’m going and who I’m going to be around.
So have I made the wrong decision of returning home? None of my Bangali friends from Canada returned after graduation, and most if not all, who are here want to go out of the country. Many here think that with the political unrests the country has little or no potential, and everyone, absolutely everyone questions my decision of returning back home.
But I disagree with all of them. I returned because I lived alone and learned to appreciate the love of family and friends who I grew up with. I returned because I didn’t want to wake up one morning and hear a death news from back home and realize I never got a chance to tell that person how much he/she meant to me. I returned home because I’d rather give up my subway sandwich choices to have Fakruddin’s biriyani and Kheer at weddings. I returned home because my Dhaka city, my typical Bangla medium school (Viquarunnia Noon School and College), my chadni chawk and Gausia market, New market’s chatpati and Taja Pholer Rosh, Baily road’s hang out and flirting joints, long drives to Ashulia made me who I am. How could I not return to all these things which made me appreciate and accept the best of the west and reject the worst? How could I not return to my city which no matter how polluted, noisy and dirty still welcomes me with its odd yet familiar smell? How could I not return to the city which made me the strong, dedicated and proud Bangali that I am today?
I noticed a tendency of disinterest among fellow Bangalis abroad about returning to Bangladesh. I completely respect and understand their concern for lack of security and lifestyle differences here in Bangladesh. At the same time I strongly believe that this is a condition we need to work on rather than to keep criticizing while living and contributing towards the betterment of another developed country. I think the number of younger generation going abroad for higher studies has reached its peak right now. It is important for them to realize that they are the ones who can make the country a better place. We cannot afford to spend time in thinking or making assumptions about how hard it would be to bring any change in Bangladesh. Rather if we start returning to the country and contribute in whatever little ways we can, a difference will be made. It is not possible for a single person to bring any change, but if we work as a group we can make a better place for our children.
When I go around Dhaka today, I can point things to which a member of my family was connected somehow. I know my father’s contribution to the city and can point to my acquaintances. But the question is will my children be able to point their mother’s contribution to her own country? Will they speak the language I grew up speaking? Will they know the bliss of crowding at Ramna Botomul in red and white sari on Pohela Boishakh? Will they know the charm of singing on top of our lungs the Rabindra and Nazrul Shangeets? Will they know the beauty of the Shundarbans, the hill tracks or the Bay of Bengal? Will they know my Dhaka city the way I do?
Source: Of Choices and Decisions
April 16th, 2007 at 7:15 pm
Hi Nazia Apu,
I didn’t know before You are also a Viqiz…Its nice to know that…nice post
wishes,
samiha
April 16th, 2007 at 9:24 pm
yes they will speak bengali –they will sing robindra –nazrul–because their mother is concern about their future–u are exactly thinking -the way i am
April 17th, 2007 at 10:25 am
Nice Post.. I do miss Dhaka city a lot, even though I never lived there, only visited. It’s definitely a great feeling when I meet my family members, cousins and friends there.
April 17th, 2007 at 10:43 am
Just a quick note to say that I loved this article! it had tears rolling down my cheeks
I miss dhaka so badly..not the traffic jam, pollution & corruption but the warmth & love of the near & dear ones..the fuchka, kacchi biryani & coffee world too!! Living in Toronto has taught me to appreciate home if not anything else, as for my kids I am trying my best…this place no doubt has a lot to offer to them..but there is a price we pay for everything and we pay the price of living an isolated and self-endulging life where there is no scope to do anything for anybody. I miss doing the little things that make a difference..no fokirs, no tokais and no bua’s family members to look after..but atleast with the change in the political climate we can all think of moving back
I look forward to that..
April 17th, 2007 at 11:03 am
Wecome back to Bangladesh.Am confident that like you yr children will soon pick up trends( chadni chawk and Gausia market, New market’s chatpati and Taja Pholer Rosh, Baily road’s hang out and flirting joints, long drives to Ashulia made me who I am.)
In respect of yr contribution towards their understanding the Bengali culture and songs and the Nature of Bangladesh- guess that will depend on how well you plan their education and exposure to environments.
Best wishes for a good family life and ohhhhhhhh yes hope you as well as yr children will get used to the traffic jams- infact trafic jams can be enjoyable provided to carry music Cds, drinking water/tea/coffee some snacks- and definitely A/C.
April 17th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Nazia,
Congratulation on the great decision of going back to Bangladesh!I’m sure that was not the easiest decision to make.
But Bangladesh has so much to offer now, beside family and great food , new up and coming technology,can travel around Bangladesh easily and most of great countries around it are only 2 hrs plane ride away!
I took some time off from working in US and spend 4 moths in Bangladesh.I loved it! Yes I had to go through initial adjusting, will never get use to crazy traffic, it is difficult not having any friends living there But it was so nice being around people I love more than 2 weeks..
Unfortunately I couldn’t find anything I wanted to do long work wise so I came back to US but I would love to Go back and live there longer period of time. Dhaka has such a great vibe!
Great article
April 17th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
What an incredible gut wrenching decision for you and hearty congratulations for making such a brave decision. You reminded so much of my father who made the decision in the early seventies whether to go back to Bangladesh or whether to stay in the States…we were kids then…and for the life of us, we could not understand growing up around Dhaka University campus that our father could have made such a “poor decision” when “he had it all ” - it was years and years later after we came here for higher education did we realize the sacrifice my father made during that time solely for us….right now I feel as though we got the best of both worlds…there are things in life that are too hard to teach to the kids…its done by examples….my father wanted us to know our culture, family, grandparents and so forth…if we did not return at the time, I dont think we would have this close relationship with all our family members today….so bottom line, you may not get an instant gratification from your children now…but years later, they will Godwilling see the light about such a wonderful decision you made at this criticial juncture of your life time…thank you for sharing the story !
April 18th, 2007 at 2:49 am
I wonder if anybody is noticng the change in social conditions now in Bangladesh;with traffic,children school,professional work that involves lots of time etc- when you go for party most done arrive before 0930-1000PM with talks limited to politics or tragedy of certain persons etc, then dinner and within the next 15 mins guests are ready to depart as they have to travel through traffic jams then wake up early the next day– all robotic rather than humanistic culture is taking over.The real family gathering to discuss happily and cheerfully, enquiring into the welfare of each persons discussing positive things and or rendering good avsie are all missing - I am experiencing these things with great sadness as to how actually the western culture is creeping in- people r busy-busy and dont discuss frankly–all guarded quips n small jokes- ashol antorikota is missing- any one feel that too??????
April 18th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
I have been living abroad only for about two years. But still then, when went to visit Bangladesh, I felt the difference. I was saddened to see how the mentality of the young generation is changing. All the teenagers seemed to be totally into themselves. Hardly noticing what’s going on around them. The only thing they are interested to talk about is cell phones and who bought the better model than other. The peer pressure seemed higher. Now children from middle class families are also going to private universities (thanks to the politicians, parents are spending all their savings to send their kids to private universities). So the money issue is coming up very early in life. I was shocked to see the desperation among university or college going young people for money. they constantly have to feed their mobile phones ( most have at least two cell phones now and they are either talking, text massaging or sending or receiving files all the time). If your rich friend is taking you out 4 times, you have to take them out atleast once. If your friends are buying very expensive cloths you at least have to buy one or two like them. I am not saying they should think that way, but thats what is happening. I really feel that the young generation in Bangladesh is changing and the relationships patterns are also changed. My sisters, relatives, friends all complained about how they felt like they are loosing contact with their kids. The new generation seemed more smart and sharp which is good, but I am really concern about the too realistic and practical nature they are acquiring at such a young age.
I would love to know what you all think about this.
April 18th, 2007 at 7:56 pm
My country is Bangladesh. I am here in U.S. thinking about Dhaka everyday. I am like Nassu reading your article made me cry. I miss Dhaka University’s TSC, I miss Gausia market, New Market, I miss Baishakhi Mela, I miss Ekushey February, I miss Viqarun Nisa School/college and friends. I will not get those days back again. But I wish I could go back to Dhaka just like you and be with my family and friends whom I grew up with. I wish I could show my kids the proper rich and wonderful culture of ours. I am proud to be a Bangladeshi. I wish I could be in your shoes. I wish I could be in Dhaka right now.Even with all the political unrest and instability Dhaka is Dhaka and I miss Dhaka.
Love and best wishes to all.
April 18th, 2007 at 10:19 pm
Welcome back to Bangladesh. I am so happy that we started understanding th value of our own country. I think with all the negative side we talk about in Bangladesh regard to pollution, traffic, education problems & so on but we have much more in the positive sides. We have our origin here. This is our country, we have the right to talk, it is all our intention & interest to make the changes in the country for all the people who is staying abroad to return & do something for their home land. I am also a Viqi and I am proud that viqis value it. It is very important that we start building the culture and values of our country to our children. The meaning of Rabindra Sangeet or Nazrul, Pohela Boishak (Ramnar Botomul), Eid, Puja, Christmas, History of our Independence, what not. I am always proud to be Bangladeshi. I work for a Bank and I always ask a question do you have a carrer goal which have a direct contribution to the economic growth to our country. We can make diffferences by our indiviudals contribution towardto the Country. Lets do it. If we can through Adhunika get a List of Viqis in Bangladesh who are working then we could keep close contact and start planning for some big changes for Bangladesh. Nothing is impossible.It was great reading everyones view.
April 18th, 2007 at 11:51 pm
Suzana & Nassu sorry for making u 2 emotional, but I guess that is the best compliment I could get for writing this piece.
My heartiest thanks to all of u who read and appreciated the article.
April 19th, 2007 at 12:03 am
Being the capital city, Dhaka is in the heart of all Bangladeshies, not just people who grew up in Dhaka. It has also become the center of many unwanted things, crime is one of them. About 70% of Dhaka’s resources are in control of 30% upper income people, and the rest 70% people live with the remaining 30% resources. Therefore, many of the perspective about Dhaka will depend on which % of people you belong to.
Other things that concern me about Dhaka are traffic-jam, lack of proper civic amenities (water, sewer, phone), and corruption. However, we can make this list longer but nothing can supersede our love and emotion for the City. And kudos to Nazia for embracing all the facts and rebuilding the Country (note, I am not saying Dhaka only). Wherever we are, in Bangladesh or abroad, we can help rebuilding our country, every little bit counts.
Here is one link about Dhaka: http://www.pbs.org/journeytoplanetearth/hope/bangladesh.html
April 19th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
Many of my women friends actually have another reason for not going back to Bangladesh. They say, when they go there they will have to stay with the same house/apt with their in-laws and after being outside the country on their own it will be really hard to adjust to a life like that.
Sometimes for example about food choice, if you are with the bigger family you can’t just decide to have some pasta or noodles or baked fish and steamed veges for dinner, if you don’t prepare traditional bengali food it will be like a blasphemy:).
I will be curious to hear thoughts in this regrad.
-Ella
April 20th, 2007 at 4:38 am
Reply To Ella :
I guess if you have the ability to adjust with your in law’s family nicely its not a problem to take steam foods for dinner. Important is to make them your own family….one of my cousin brother’s wife just got married a few days ago. and She eat foods in a soup bowl….she do heavy diet…but there’s none who disturbs her. and She has the power and ability to make my aunty as her own mother. She give the same value to her like her mother….and in return she’s also getting love as a daughter…So I hope u get your answer….Right..:)
thank you,
wishes,
Samiha Esha
April 20th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
Samiha is right to some extent. But it is not as simple though. I suggest Adhunika write on this in a seperate post, living in a joint family or something like that.
Also one thing we should keep in mind that, before you are in it its much easier to make comments based on theory.
Every grown up ppl has their own style of living. Mother daughter living in the same house may also create lots of issues as well.
My main concern is in the name of tradition if we don’t respect the diversity and ppl’s choice of living on their own we are making ppl stay away from the country all together. We definitely don’t want that to happen.
Ella
April 22nd, 2007 at 2:34 am
Deshal,
Refyr#9,”The new generation seemed more smart and sharp which is good, but I am really concern about the too realistic and practical nature they are acquiring at such a young age.
I would love to know what you all think about this.”—-With qualities like smartness and sharpness the complimentary auto quality is being realistsic and practical- nothing to worry as long these qualities dont make him arrogant(this tendency comes in)and overconfident both being destructive qualities- but not quite grasped by young generation.What can keep the destructive quality away depends on the oppurtunity, the young person in question, has to see what the others do in respect of family unity,respect for elders and affection for young -how each stand for each other and how commercialism is not given priority over values of life by the whole family- Next in equal importance is lessons learnt from balanced practice of the values;giving charity,(even a smile is a charity) praying and also helping people/community (specially neighbours)understanding the sacredness of marriage and clear knowledge of what is good and bad-in life- etc. These qualities helps remove the concern that you are having in mind.
Napolean said,”Give me a good Mother and I will give you a good Nation”-
It is imperative for Mothers to do both: educate and teach the values of life.
April 22nd, 2007 at 3:09 am
Ella,
refyr#14,”Sometimes for example about food choice, if you are with the bigger family you can’t just decide to have some pasta or noodles or baked fish and steamed veges for dinner, if you don’t prepare traditional bengali food it will be like a blasphemy:).”-
I fully agree with Samia’s comment#15 wherein she stressed on “adjustability” and I would add two more;patience and discussion or planning items for food –that reduces misunderstandings and tensions of eating in a family atmosphere.
Also you will be surprised to know that social structure and traditions have undergone a lot of change and that many elders in the family themselves adjust to new generations and expatriates for making life smooth for all.
Finally the choice for coming home or staying abroad shouldnt be on basis of what food items you n children can eat- it should be on the basis of choice of :1.Family priority and 2.0ppurtunities-and You and yr family member can only decide that no one can help on that.
April 22nd, 2007 at 4:23 am
Anita,
Refyr #11,”I work for a Bank and I always ask a question do you have a carrer goal which have a direct contribution to the economic growth to our country. We can make diffferences by our indiviudals contribution towardto the Country. Lets do it.”
Working in profession that enables you to pay tax and being a good citizen is contributing towards the economy of the country.
Your second point,”start planning for some big changes for Bangladesh. Nothing is impossible.”
Just as a reminder only- proper planning on priority basis should be first Yourself,next Family and thirdly Country.
Instead of waitng to get organized for “big changes” pls start with small ones starting from home:train yr servants to remain hygenically clean,edcuate them specially in methods of saving,train the girls about marriage n how tro deal with dowry etc-My servants at home know why they are working how to live respectly amongst the members of the family,what to tell their parents when they come to collect their salaries etc- next go around the neighbouring slums to inform the inhabitants of the importance of boiling water,cleaning themselves and their surroundings preparation of food in hygenic- prepare food atleast once a month for them to eat and ask them to that weekly amongst themselves-within each other–they will learn to share which they rarely do.Teach them about system for Vote n their rights-You need patience though.
These are small changes that will start to affect the ordinary people almost immediately-dont expect miracles.
So while waiting to get organized for taking on bigger income generating or other welfare projects you all can start in small scale.Best wishes n good luck.
April 25th, 2007 at 11:54 am
I have not been back to Bangladesh in four years, and I can imagine how life there is nothing like life in the US where I live with my daily choices, but I disagree that life in Bangladesh can be so devoid of choices.
In Dhaka where you can go or not go depends on whether your car is available, if you HAVE a car at your disposal. I don’t. I travel by public transportation/rickshaw, the same way that we don’t bring cars into Manhattan but take public transportation because there is on parking.
You don’t HAVE to eat everything your in laws put out for you - you can adjust. Even if I am living in NYC I have to cook and shop for more than myself. Yes, I could push aside the chicken I don’t like…….but within the menu that caters to other people, I find what I am comfortable with. My married friends do the same - they plan menus, work around their hubby’s and kids’ diets. In the same way, you can work around your in laws’ diets in Bangladesh. Cuisine is a major element of where you live. I frankly don’t understand this disdain of Bengali food.
Wherever you live, it is about adjusting. I don’t think that even living in NYC I have as much choice about things as my friends in Dhaka. I have less money so I can’t choose what to buy. I can’t choose what to wear because I HAVE to wear a jacket on meeting days, and jeans on rainy days.
Nostalgic as your post is, please pardon my response that I find it slightly elitist. It is responsibilities that limit your choices. You choose to accept them, or shed them. It hardly depends on where you live.
April 25th, 2007 at 11:58 am
Yikes, my response was not to your post, so sorry I meant to say my response to this entire conversation. I do not find your post the slight bit elitist, but very touching.
May 18th, 2007 at 9:31 am
I too cannot wait to move back to Dhaka after 30 years of living in London.
I will be taking my too young daughters who will study in dhaka and learn eveyrthing about our tradition.
I have already started to invest back home which will give an income to live on.
I hope i have made the correct decissions to take my family back to Bangladesh.
best wishes