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The biggest, most important event of a girl’s life in Bangladesh, and anywhere in the world, is her wedding day. Earlier, the wedding was a family event in Bangladesh. Wedding Ceremonies in Bangladesh: Photo Scr: NaziaPre-wedding celebrations such as “Paan Chini” (Engagement), “Gaye Holud”-s took place at home while the wedding would only be an outside event that also if the guest list was too long. The mother, aunts and sisters participated in cooking, flower ornaments were made by the younger cousins and sister in laws and the stage decorations and the Alponas where all done by family members and friends. Idea of fun was to work together days and nights to present the bride to be in the most attractive way the family could afford. The satisfaction of the parents came from being able to marry their daughter off, in pride, amongst colorful events arranged by themselves with merriment and gaiety around the house for an entire week.

While the wedding remains the most significant event of a girl’s life, today the celebrations have taken a very different look in the country. In today’s high priced market of Bangladesh a wedding is not just finding your daughter or son their life partner, it is also a contest where the two parties tries to spend more than the other trying to portray a wedding scene from one of the popular Hindi serials or a Bollywood movie. This new practice takes its toll over the middle class people of the country who want to provide their offspring a memorable wedding yet struggle with the expenses of it.

Some of us, the girls that is, actually look forward to the lavish events. While some others deny any interest in the gold jewelry, expensive saris and extravagant decorations yet participate in them nevertheless. How many of us today can completely reject such practices and go back to the earlier family weddings? Why do we feel the urge today to compete in jewelry or saris with everyone else around us disregarding each others social status or income sources?

The average monthly income of a middle to upper middle class family where both the husband and wife are employed at some kind of Government service or the kind would range between Tk.20,000-50,000. Increasingly Dhakaties are taking up corporate jobs with higher salaries, yet it is the new generation who is more into multinational jobs than the parents of the bride and groom. Keeping this in mind, lets look at the cost of a wedding in Dhaka for a middle to upper class family.

Items

 Expenses in Taka
Gold Jewelry 80,000-2 lakhs (Tk. 17,000 per Bhori)
*may reach 5 lakh if items such as Jhapta (the one you wear in your hair on a side), Mantasha (for arms), Rotonchur (bangle with connecter ring) etc. are included.
Wedding Sari 10,000-1/2 lakhs
* depending on where you get it from and what kind they are.
Sherwani, Watch, Suits, shoes & ring for the groom 50,000-2 lakhs
Community Center 10,000-25,000 (regular)
1 lakh Shenakunja or Darbar Hall the two most distinguished ones.
Catering and Food 20,000-1 lakh
*depending on the menu and guest list
Halud & engagement arranged outside home 1 lakh-5 lakh

Wedding Jewelry, Photo source: NaziaSo all in all an average wedding today will cost a family a minimum of Tk. 5 lakh-15 lakh, (around US$ 7,150- 21,430), not counting any dowry items, well they don’t call it dowry anymore but the practice of giving the groom furniture, car, apartment or something else as gifts by the brides parents still remain a common practice in Bangladesh.

The expenses are not limited to the bride and groom’s family only. I see women who have to buy new clothes, jewelry, shoes and what not for every wedding they attend. Price of saris one could wear at weddings has also increased tremendously. If you want to buy something regular from new market or hawkers, it will cost you at least Tk.3,000 to 10,000 , moreover if you want something nicer and exclusive from Shopper’s World, or Vasavi then the price will only start from Tk.10,000 and can go as high as 50,000.

While we are spending from US $ 150 to $700 behind things we are to wear at someone else’s wedding only $10 can provide one carton of high energy protein biscuits to support malnourished children for a month. $300 covers a years supply of antirectrovial drugs for one HIV positive child. $17 can immunize a child against the 6 major childhood diseases. Such statistics are immense, and if you are willing there are several organizations in Dhaka today who can advice you on contributing to the betterment of the underprivileged in and around the country with only part of the expenses of you lavish wedding.

My observation reveals that it is mostly women who are the show pieces of the extravagance at the weddings. The brides today have to have 5/6 layers on their neck, heavy earrings, their head covered in different gold items, arms full of bangles, mantashas and rotonchurs. They are consciously or subconsciously in a contest with their friends or family in wedding expenses and the (often exaggerated) social status of their grooms.

While in some cases I also see families arranging combined Holud for both the bride and groom and joint receptions, yet this group in our society still remains diminutive. I personally do want to look exceptional at my wedding or at the weddings I attend. But is it the excessive spending which makes the day special? Why are these educated people of our society all of a sudden in a mad rush to show off their wealth to the rest? If only they would channel their resources to proper directions then we probably wouldn’t have to call the country a poor one anymore.

I would be curious to know how the women feel about this trend? Why has this trend become so widespread in the country? Are there any alternatives?